source: tags/0.9.1/example/advice

((11900
  . "You cannot just paste code with no understanding of what is going on and expect it to work.")
 (11901
  . "You can't just make shit up and expect the computer to know what you mean, Retardo!")
 (11902
  . "You said it didn't work, but you didn't say what it would have done if it *had* worked.")
 (11903 . "What are you really trying to accomplish here?")
 (11904 . "Who the fuck cares which one is faster?")
 (11905 . "Now is the time in our program where you look at the manual.")
 (11906 . "Look at the error message!  Look at the error message!")
 (11907
  . "Looking for a compiler bug is the strategy of LAST resort.  LAST resort.")
 (11908 . "Premature optimization is the root of all evil.")
 (11909 . "Bad programmer!  No cookie!")
 (11910
  . "I see you omitted $! from the error message.   It won't tell you what went wrong if you don't ask it to.")
 (11911
  . "You wrote the same thing twice here.  The cardinal rule of programming is that you never ever write the same thing twice.")
 (11912
  . "Evidently it's important to you to get the wrong answer as quickly as possible.")
 (11913 . "Gee, I don't know.  I wonder what the manual says about that?")
 (11914
  . "Well, no duh.  That's because you ignored the error message, dimwit.")
 (11915
  . "Only Sherlock Holmes can debug the program by pure deduction from the output.  You are not Sherlock Holmes.  Run the fucking debugger already.")
 (11916
  . "Always ignore the second error message unless the meaning is obvious.")
 (11917 . "Read.  Learn.  Evolve.")
 (11918
  . "Well, then get one that *does* do auto-indent.  You can't do good work with bad tools.")
 (11919
  . "No.  You must believe the ERROR MESSAGE.  You MUST believe the error message.")
 (11920 . "The error message is the Truth.  The error message is God.  ")
 (11921
  . "It could be anything.  Too bad you didn't bother to diagnose the error, huh?")
 (11922
  . "You don't suppress error messages, you dumbass, you PAY ATTENTION and try to understand them.")
 (11923 . "Never catch a signal except as a last resort.")
 (11924
  . "Well, if you don't know what it does, why did you put it in your program?")
 (11925 . "Gosh, that wasn't very bright, was it?")
 (11926
  . "That's like taking a crap on someone's doorstep and then ringing the doorbell to ask for toilet paper.")
 (11927
  . "A good approach to that problem would be to hire a computer programmer.")
 (11928
  . "First get a book on programming.  Then read it.  Then write the program.")
 (11929
  . "First ask yourself `How would I do this without a computer?'  Then have the computer do it the same way.")
 (11930 . "Would you like to see my rate card?")
 (11931 . "I think you are asking the wrong question here.")
 (11932 . "Holy cow.") (11933 . "Because it's a syntax error.")
 (11934 . "Because this is Lisp, not C.")
 (11935 . "Because this is Lisp, not Perl.")
 (11936 . "Because that's the way it is.") (11937 . "Because.")
 (11938
  . "If you have `some weird error', the problem is probably with your frobnitzer.")
 (11939
  . "Because the computer cannot read your mind.  Guess what?  I cannot read your mind *either*.")
 (11940
  . "You said `It doesn't work'.  The next violation will be punished by death.")
 (11941
  . "Of course it doesn't work!  That's because you don't know what you are doing!")
 (11942 . "Sure, but you have to have some understanding also.")
 (11943
  . "Ah yes, and you are the first person to have noticed this bug since 1987.  Sure.")
 (11944 . "Yes, that's what it's supposed to do when you say that.")
 (11945 . "Well, what did you expect?")
 (11946
  . "Perhaps you have forgotten that this is an engineering discipline, not some sort of black magic.")
 (11947
  . "You know, this sort of thing is amenable to experimental observation.")
 (11948 . "Perhaps your veeblefitzer is clogged.")
 (11949 . "What happens when you try?")
 (11950 . "Now you are just being superstitious.  ")
 (11951
  . "Your question has exceeded the system limit for pronouns in a single sentence.  Please dereference and try again.")
 (11952
  . "In my experience that is a bad strategy, because the people who ask such questions are the ones who paste the answer into their program without understanding it and then complain that it `does not work'.")
 (11953
  . "Of course, this is a heuristic, which is a fancy way of saying that it doesn't work. ")
 (11954
  . "If your function is written correctly, it will handle an empty array the same way as a nonempty array.")
 (11955 . "When in doubt, use brute force.")
 (11956
  . "Well, it might be more intuitive that way, but it would also be useless.")
 (11957 . "Show the code.") (11958 . "The bug is in you, not in Lisp.")
 (11959 . "Cargo-cult.")
 (11960
  . "So you threw in some random punctuation for no particular reason, and then you didn't get the result you expected.  Hmmmm.")
 (11961
  . "How should I know what is wrong when I haven't even seen the code?  I am not clairvoyant.")
 (11962
  . "How should I know how to do what you want when you didn't say what you wanted to do?")
 (11963 . "It's easy to get the *wrong* answer in O(1) time.")
 (11964
  . "I guess this just goes to show that you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink it.")
 (11999 . "You are a stupid asshole.  Shut the fuck up.")
 (12000 . "Looking for a compiler bug is the second-to-last resort. The last resort is blaming bad RAM. It's never the correct hypothesis.")
 (12017 . "It doesn't need to be portable, it just needs to work on your system."))